TEXAS SHOOTS DOWN GUN SALES BAN TO PSYCHIATRIC WARDS

La Cebolla

AUSTIN, TX—Touting the party-line vote as a major victory for the Second Amendment, the Texas House of Representatives successfully blocked a bill last week that would have prevented gun stores from operating inside of hospital psychiatric wards.

“The government has no place infringing on the rights of honest business owners trying to sell semiautomatic handguns and rifles to people experiencing symptoms of acute mental illness, nor should it prevent the mentally unstable from acquiring those weapons,” said Texas House Speaker Dustin Burrows, gesturing to his pocket Constitution to explain that the United States was founded on the principle that violent, psychotic, and paranoid citizens should never be denied their basic right to bear arms.

“Whether voluntarily admitted or involuntarily committed to a psych ward out of a fear they might hurtthemselves or others, these patients have the same right to access legal firearms as any other American. If this plainly unconstitutional law had been passed, it would have left entire unhinged communities without the weapons they need to defend themselves against the cabal of powerful people they believe are disguising themselves as their friends, family, and grocery store baggers. 

"In fact, these people often have a greater immediate need for firearms than most, as they are convinced they must take vengeance upon whomever the voices in their heads are telling them to shoot.” 

At press time, Burrows introduced a new bill that would permit gun stores to operate inside state forensic psychiatric institutions for those ruled criminally insane.