Monday, July 24, 2017


By Juan Montoya
Rural folks have a wry sense of humor.
It probably comes from being isolated out in the boondocks and just having the time to think about stuff without the hustle and bustle that comes with urban living.

Rural South Texas residents are no different.

Not long ago, as we were munching on a delicious asado de puerco at the Martinez home in Santa Maria (they killed two pigs) and washing the delicacy down with some suds, and one of the local residents started telling some funny ones.

He waited until there were no ladies around and the only usual circle of men stood around shooting the breeze. As is usually the case, we can't remember all of the yarns, but two were memorable for their originality and humor.

Since he was an elderly man, they have to do with doctor office visits for the common South Texas ailments, la azucar (diabetes) y el colestrol (cholesterol). As they were told in South Texas Spanish, we will  print them as such and hope our monolingual friends can find someone to translate: Here goes:

Un compadre se encontro a otro compadre y lo noto muy angustiado.
"Que le pasa, compadre? Lo veo muy aguitado."
"Es que vengo del doctor, compadre."

"Y luego," respondio el otro. "Que le hallaron?"
"Pos dice que estoy muy malo, compadre."
"Muy malo? Pero no parece que esta enfermo, compadre."

Si, compadre. Dice que tengo mucha azucar."
"Azucar, compadre? Pero no se ve que usted tenga nada. Se mira muy bien."
Le contesta el compadre enojado: "No sea menso, compadre. Ni que fuera un buñuelo!"

Estaba sentado un compadre cuando deviso al otro que venia por el camino. Se miraba como si apenas pudiera caminar y se veia que iva caminando sambo come si fuera en dolor.

"Que tiene, compadre?," le peregunto uno.
"Acabo de venir del doctor y me hicieron unos examenes, compadre."

"A jijo," dijo el otro compadre. "Que le hicieron compadre? Le metieron algo pa checarle la prostata, o que?"

"Nombre compadre, no sea cochino," respondio el otro, y siguio caminado con las piernas separadas, muy incomodo.
"Entonces que, compadre?  Le metieron una sonda o le pusieron inyecciones? Anda caminando muy sospechoso."

"Nombre, compadre, me encontraron colesterol," dijo el otro.
"Colesterol? Pero pal colestrol no le ponen nada alla atras. Porque anda asi?"
"Es que el doctor me prohibio jamas ya tocar los huevos," contesto el otro.


Anonymous said...


Blimp: "Una orden de tacos, por favor."
Taqueria worker: "Con chile o sin chile?"
Blimp: "Ay, sin tacos."


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Now the second one was funny, but the first not so much. Maybe it is a guy thing.

Anonymous said...

Culo! Bring us culo, bro!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Say no to Rene Oliveira.

Anonymous said...


Diego Lee Rot said...

Translating all of this right now with
Google translate

Anonymous said...

Will you vote for the following? As President Trump would say, oliveira , WRONG. Lucio, WRONG. Vela, WRONG.

Anonymous said...

Nacho humor!