JULIET THE MARTYR: WE GOT OUR BUTTS WHIPPED

Dear Students,

On March 22, despite every trick and guile and fraud that I attempted to use to subvert the wishes of the people in the district, those disgusting, revolting, and vile little people on the Texas Southmost College board of trustees reaffirmed their decision to establish a separate junior college, ending the 20-year abusive partnership between The University of Texas System and TSC.

Alas, I believe my two decades-reign of riding the taxpayer-funded gravy train is over. Kaput. The end. Final. Sob!

Our work now is to pick up the pieces, finagle the best deal I can salvage from the dumbos over at the UT System and move forward. Trinity didn't want be before, but I'm sure there are a lot of consulting gigs out there for a practicing Hispanic (female) saint. Hey, I got all the bases covered.

Oh, yeah, I want to thank you for your participation over the last several months as I made sure talked about issues important to me, surveyed the student body for its weakest spots to manipulate, slyly made you pass a resolution and allowed yourselves to be herded into attending and speaking at my administration-rigged rallies and controlled public meetings.

I am very proud of how you have exercised your democratic right to give your voice to issues important to me. You could have done better, but I don't mind. You just kind of wasted my precious time. Don't think twice, it's alright.

William Faulkner, a Nobel Prize winning American writer said, "A mule will labor ten years willingly and patiently for you, for the privilege of kicking you once."

You raised your voices, and when I asked you to, you replied, "how high?"

As such, your futile words become part of the history of this moment in time in the university’s evolution and will be promptly forgotten since things didn't go my way.

Having done so was vitally important and the absolute right thing to do. You know what would have happened to you if you didn't. Right?

You have chosen to be used and misused as my participant; not merely an independent observer. You have chosen to help shape me try to shape your own destiny and that of those around you through my leadership.

As we begin the complicated (damn those trustees again!) process of (gasp) separation, it remains extraordinarily important that we continue to able to use and manipulate your voice as we try to stymie the work the transition teams as they try to destroy and dismantle my fastidiously constructed empire. Don't think for one minute that I'm going to forgive and forget what these pesky Fab Four did to me, no sir.

In public, though, we must act as if we have all set aside the differences that surfaced over the last few months and are seeking solutions to the complex path ahead.

I might have to call upon you servile automatons to ensure that every decision made has as its primary focus the well-being of my position and my renumeration, and , oh yeah, you, the students.

Whenever I have the chance to speak to groups outside of our campus community, I always tell them what an honor it is to serve as President here and work on my behalf. I tell them that as long as we make our students think they are are smart, passionate and hard working, they'll follow you like lemmings into the Ft. Brown resaca.

I tell them that the few that actually get a degree at this bottomless pit of high tuition and low graduation rates may well think they represent the next generation of those who dare to dream for a better life and a brighter future for our region. Ignorance, as someone (damn that Faulkner) said, is bliss.

I am the more richer personally that you have chosen to make this campus your home, and I have every confidence that here you will continue to have many opportunities to hone and refine your talents in preparation for your own debt-ridden journey. Make sure you repay those Pell grants and student loans, including that 83 percent of you that don't graduate.

We sure had a grand time with that dough, didn't we? Remember that it takes less facial muscles to smile than to frown, sourpuss!

Our campus culture is rooted in the belief that we are called to help design and build my future. I may call you to that task once again.

We have been able to dodge the bullet many times in the past, and I am confident that with your help, cooperation and goodwill, I will continue to succeed to build myself a nice nest egg and golden parachute after you pay your tuition.

For the meanwhile, I thank you from the bottom of my heart since I got my nice $800,000 digs on the Island and my $270,000 crib on Jacaranda in Rio Viejo compliments of the district taxpaying suckers. So take that, damn trustees.

God Bless!