CREATION ACCORDING TO WIGHTMAN: GENESIS, LIMAS AND MARTINEZ

1. In the beginning Robert Wightman created the heavens and the earth.

2. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the tubby Spirit of Bobby was hovering over the waters seeking a victim for his lawsuits.

3. And Wightman said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. However, the sudden light aggravated a long-forgotten military-related psychosis and Wightman had to rush off to the San Antonio Veterans Administration Hospital to push his way ahead of the Korean combat veterans and demanded treatment, or he would sue.

4. Wightman, after browbeating the VA doctors, saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. But, people, after all that heavy lifting he was exhausted and had to invent morphine to continue his good works and altruistic deeds. Seeing that helping acquire benefits for veterans would in turn help him get more freebies to treat his hypochondriac delusions, he fought he good fight against the overburdened VA system in their name and got free lodging.

5. Returning to unfinished business, Wightman called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

6. And Wightman thought there should be a vault between the waters to separate water from water. So he drafted a demand letter to the universal powers threatening to sue them for all their stars and galaxies if a vault was not delivered within the next two working days of His creation.

7. So Wightman got his vault and separated the water under the vault from the water above it. And it was so.

8. Wightman called the vault “sky.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day. But the labors of that day aggravated a metacarpal injury of his middle finger and he had to take some more legal dope to deal with it and desist from using the offending digit.

9. And Wightman, after waking up, said in a daze, “Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear.” And it was so.

10. Wightman called the dry ground “land,” and the gathered waters he called “seas.” And He saw that it was good. And he made nude beaches and saw that was good.

11. Then Wightman said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” When Nature hesitated, he filed a writ of mandamus with the Powers That Be and forced the recalcitrant "moron" to do it. And it was so.

12. The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And Wightman saw that it was good. He counseled for the use of hemp for other uses than smoking, and when there were no takers, cursed the "morons" for having no vision.

13. And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day. On that day Wightman read in the papers that there was a district judge dispensing favors for money and remembered that he had tried to nudge the the feds a few millenia ago to indict Abel Limas. When his edict went ignored by one FBI Director Robert S. Mueller, Wightman heavily censured him for being a disobedient being. Tired after taking credit for righting that wrong, Wightman slept.

14. And Wightman said, “Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years,

15. and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth.” And it was so.

16 Wightman made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.

17. Wightman set them in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth,

18 to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And Wightman saw that it was good.

19. And when He looked up at the sky and saw that a being named Quintanilla whom he called the Great Deceiver had introduced an airline to Brownsville, Wightman was vexed because he hadn't thought of it himself. He whispered into Pan Am's ear and urged them to fight the Evil Q and try to get some of the money the city had used to lure the much-desired regional flights. "Steal Fly Frontera name, win the fame," He said. And it was so.

20. And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.

21. Wightman took off to Peru and spent the next two days hanging out in the Andes watching the Incas build their cribs in Machu Picchu and smit them down because they were dark, thin, and short and not in His image.
22. Then Wightman returned and said, “Let us make mankind in my image, in my likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

23. So Wightman created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. He then thought better of it and created hermaphrodites and homosexuals for good measure. And he saw that was good.

24. Wightman saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.

25. And on the seventh day, Wightman created Tony Martinez in his likeness, anointed him as the next mayor of Brownsville and rested.