GORDITAS, BARBACOA, TAMALES BANNED IN GREASE-FREE BROWNTOWN

By Juan Montoya
Taking a page from Fahrenheit 459 and under the guise of collecting donated cookbooks from the past, Healthy Communities under Executive Diet Director Rose Timmer has declared Brownsville a grease-free zone.
Ostensibly, the call went out for the community to donate its old cookbooks, but the real purpose, according to grease-war insiders, it was to rid local residents of books advocating the use of delicious fat in all its manifestations – carnitas, menudo, gorditas, barbacoa de cabeza, tortillas de harina, saturated fat, bacon, and just about every food product made from the flesh of the filthy pig.
Timmer told the local daily that her call to the community seeking donations of cookbooks for a fundraiser she knew there would be a response, and it was a good one. She said residents always are ready to help out the community and they have turned out in a big way by donating hundreds of cookbooks for HCB’s Cookbook Sale fundraiser.
“I probably get one or two phone calls a day from people that want to donate cookbooks. Some people donate one or two. The other day I picked up grocery bags of cookbooks from one lady,” she told the Herald.
Timmer, who looks like she hasn't missed many meals herself, said the donations included some from the days of rationing in WWII that provided meatless family meals.
As a testament to the appeal to donate the cookbooks, Timmer said the diversity of the cookbooks indicate that many residents have been pouring over some of the bad grease-culprits that have brought about the obese characteristics of the local populace.
“We have some wonderful cookbooks … some from Julia Child, James Beard, and Oprah cookbooks. They are all in good shape. They are all treasured items that people are willing to give up and donate for this fundraiser,” Timmer said.
Money collected from the event will go to fund programs HCB supports such as environmental protection projects such as educating gum chewers into not throwing their spent gum on the city's sidewalks, smokers hanging on to their cigarette butts instead of tossing them in the city's gutters, and, of course, the ongoing battle – overtly and covertly – against Mean Old Fat.
“We have a lot of things that we have to support and we hope that we can raise enough funds to go on for another couple of years,” Timmer said.