WIGHTMAN; THE ART OF THE DANGLING PREPOSITION

(When he's not threatening to sue someone, turn them over to the U.S Attorney, the FBI, the Texas Attorney General's Office, the Holy See, Yeshua, or some other moral or legal authority, blogger Robert Wightman is content to denounce local political candidates for, well, for not employing the word "for." It seems that he can well overlook brazen vote-harvesting, the indictment and guilty pleas of politiqueras associated with a certain political machine, the accepting of corporate contributions to certain candidates, and even the sale of waivers to the state-mandated 72-hour waiting period between the issuance of marriage licenses and the performance by a JP of the ceremony. He willingly turns a blind eye to the peddling of influence by elected officials to get their unqualified relatives hired illegally. That's all good. But overlook the word "for" in a campaign ad or sign and you're intentionally misleading the public in violation of legislative intent. Expect to see your photo in a lineup on his Wall of Shame on his blog. Who cares, you ask? No one, really, but it's a good as any as a reason to live for this bully who feels has been anointed with cyber infallibility. Below is the text taken from the Wightman Creation Scrolls found by a nude goat herder at the mouth of the river on Boca Chica Beach.)

By Juan Montoya

1. In the beginning Robert Wightman created the heavens and the earth.

2. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the tubby Spirit of Bobby was hovering over the waters seeking a victim for his lawsuits or threatened destruction.

3. And Wightman said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. However, the sudden light aggravated a long-forgotten nonmilitary-related psychosis and Wightman had to rush off to the San Antonio Veterans Administration Hospital to push his way ahead of the Korean, Vietnam, and other combat veterans and demanded treatment, or he – of course – would sue. And he saw that being a malingerer was profitable, and became one. 

4. Wightman, after browbeating the VA doctors, saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. But, people, after all that heavy lifting he was exhausted and had to invent (prescription) morphine to continue his good works and altruistic deeds. Seeing that milking the VA system would help him get more freebies to treat his hypochondriac delusions, he fought he good fight against the overburdened VA system in the veterans' name and got free lodging. After all, two or three years of military service as a plane mechanic surely qualified him for a lifetime of freeloading and he could even call himself a "disabled" vet. Can you imagine if he had actually fired a shot in anger in the military?

5. Returning to unfinished business, Wightman called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day. And he filed a legal patent to protect his creation.

6. And Wightman thought there should be a vault between the waters to separate water from water. So he drafted a demand letter to the universal powers threatening to sue them for all their stars and galaxies if a vault was not delivered within the next two working days of His creation.

7. So Wightman got his vault and separated the water under the vault from the water above it. And it was so. 

8. Wightman called the vault “sky.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day. But the labors of that day aggravated a metacarpal injury of his middle finger from riveting the skin of a malfunctioning airplane and he had to take some more legal dope to deal with it and desist from using the offending digit. Another trip to the VA, more freebies, and then a shot of government-provided sedatives to sleep it off.

9. And Wightman, after waking up, said in a daze, “Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear.” And it was so.

10. Wightman called the dry ground “land,” and the gathered waters he called “seas.” And He saw that it was good. And he made nude beaches on Boca Chica Beach and saw that that was good.

11. Then Wightman said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” When Nature hesitated, he filed a writ of mandamus with the Powers-That-Be and forced the recalcitrant "moron" to do it. And it was so.

12. The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And Wightman saw that it was good. He counseled for the use of hemp for uses other than smoking, and when there were no takers, cursed the "idiots" for having no vision.

13. And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day. On that day Wightman read in the papers that there was a district judge dispensing favors for money and remembered that he had tried to nudge the the feds a few millenia ago to indict Abel Limas. When his edict went ignored by one FBI Director Robert S. Mueller, Wightman heavily censured him, his boss US Attorney General Eric Holder, and his boss President Barack Obama, for being disobedient beings. He became a great prognostiocator of past events.Tired after taking credit for righting that wrong, Wightman swallowed copious amounts of sedatives (legal) and slept.

14. And Wightman said, “Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years,

15. and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth.” And it was so.

16 Wightman made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars.

17. Wightman set them in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth,

18. to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness. And Wightman saw that it was good.

19. And when He looked up at the sky and saw a being named Carlos Quintanilla (and attorney Alex Dominguez, and DA Luis Saenz, businessman Zeke Silva, JP  candidate Yolanda and attorney son  Alex Begum, BISD trustees Cata Presas-Garcia and Lucy Longoria, BISSD president Enrique Escobedo and his brother Jaime, Municipal Judge Ben Neece, attorney Luis Sorola and Mary Esther Garcia, Yours Truly, et al, and other lesser beings than he, The Infallible) whom he called the Great Deceivers. And he hurled curses in their direction, banished them from his paradise and vowed eternal battle because they did not heed his Holy Word. And it was so.

20. And there was evening, and there was morning—the fourth day.

21. Wightman took off to Peru and spent the next two days hanging out in the Andes watching the Incas build their cribs in Machu Picchu and smote them down because they were dark, thin, and short and not in His image.

22. Then Wightman returned and said, “Let us make mankind in my image, in my likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

23. So Wightman created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. He then thought better of it and created hermaphrodites and homosexuals for good measure. And he gave them orifices. And he saw that was good as a few of the queer-looking ones were actually in His image.

24. Wightman saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.

25. And on the seventh day, Wightman created Ernie Hernandez, his mate Norma, and their daughter Erin in his likeness, anointed them as them as Lambs of God, saw them off as they started their labor of harvesting votes of the frail, the elderly, the weak, and the feeble-minded, and rested.