PD CHIEF BIKE PATROL STRIKES FEAR INTO D'TOWN DENIZENS

By Juan Montoya
No sooner did the downtown denizens who feast on crack and the occasional joint in the alleys hear that the City of Brownsville Chief of Police Orlando Rodriguez was out patrolling the town that a half dozen of them renounced their life of crime.
Rodriguez, who rolled along with two other burly officers in cute matching yellow vests, police blue shorts, helmets, and  mountain bikes, told the local daily that the Tour De Browntown was a welcome break from his daily routine of fighting crime and pushing back the frontiers of ignorance and injustice.
After the chief's brief (but effective) ride around the inner city core, both the FBI's Uniform Crime Report (UCR) and the Bureau of Justice Statistics' National Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS) reported a precipitous dive in the number of serious crimes in the immediate area. Analysts are trying to fully asses the downward curve of crime in the city's inner core after Rodriguez's foray into the belly of the beast.
For example, city attorney Mark Sossi was said not to have driven his vehicles without a current registration or inspection as he was wont to do and was seen instead walking from the Municipal Court to City Hall in the old federal building on Elizabeth St. And, in contrast to his usual dour demeanor, Sossi was actually seen greeting and shaking hands with a local resident.
And some new businessmen who were at the permitting department on the second floor of the Municipal Court on Levee St. say that the inspectors suddenly stopped insinuating that their permits would be processed a lot faster if the applicants contributed to the Christmas Party fund in their department when the trio made their pass.
Mayor Tony Martinez, who was eyeing a piece of downtown real estate for potential purchase using millions of dollars in Certificates of Obligation was said to have put a stop to the negotiations when he spotted the Three Yellowjackets slowly pedaling by.
Even a businessman who was about to overcharge for a bronze-coated foam statue of the Archangel St. Michael with his foot on the demon's head thought twice about it and gave the senior citizen customer the correct price. And a man who was about to pass a counterfeit $20 at the Subway at the Multimodal Terminal took out some real bills instead as Orlando and the bipedal crime unit rolled by ominously.
And the legion of car washers who ignore the "Don't Wash Cars here" signs on the city parking lots took a sudden break from their brazen lawbreaking to seek concealment at local second-hand stores. We heard that Miriam (not her real name), a local crack queen, put away her pipe as she was about to light up in the alley behind La Movida Bar and coaxed the other heads to join her at the misa at the Immaculate Conception Cathedral as a preemptive penance to the sin they were about to commit.
One look at the mobile crime-fighting team and a shoplifter at the downtown HEB thought twice about it and hurried back to pay for the bag of adobado potato chips he had just stolen and was about to munch on the steps of the old federal courthouse as Sossi whizzed by.
Such was the feeling of security and comfort that the chief (and his guaruras) cast over the area that even some coyotes from Matamoros' Maña who were about to ferry their pollitos near Hope Park slithered back into the thick cane across the river and postponed their dastardly deeds until he was out of sight.
George Gavito, the new owner of the El Barril Lounge, said that when the chief was making his pass near the old Jardin Hotel, a homeless man who customarily relieves his bodily needs between the Dumpsters in the alley next to his business apologized to him and ran down the alley to an alternate spot.
"That in itself is a testament to the impact of what the chief is doing by example," Gavito was overheard telling one of his early customers. "Downtown just got a breath of fresh air, and not the dank stench of the usual smells. Things are looking up."
About the only ones complaining were the crack dealers who said that yesterday will be known as Black Tuesday because their business dried up and their horrified customers stayed away in droves because of the heat.
"It's getting to the point a man can't make an honest buck in this town," said a disgusted dealer whose height has earned him the name of La Escalera. "I may have to look for another gig."
Will the chief continue striking fear into the hearts of downtown evil doers? He has hinted that these patrols may not be limited to the daylight hours and that nighttime cruising may be instituted depending on the results of the test ride.
"The crackheads are on tenterhooks," said a local barfly. "The chief's ride may have permanently altered their daily routine. It's keeping these criminals off balance."