The Onion
Exclusive!
“If this thing actually happened, why didn’t she come forward 30 years ago with a demand for secret payments to keep quiet?” said Trump, adding that a decades-old allegation of sexual abuse that wasn’t instantly followed by her threatening to go public unless Kavanaugh and his family paid her off totally lacked credibility.
“If the attack on Dr. Ford was as bad as she says, surely she has a copy of the demands she sent to Brett Kavanaugh or bank documents showing the transfer of a six-figure sum into her account during the ’80s that she could show us. It’s baffling—if he really did something illegal, why didn’t she just demand money for her role in covering up the crime? That’s what any normal person would do.”
The president acknowledged that he could see how someone might have difficulty remembering the exact details of their involvement in a six-figure hush money payment made back in the 1980s.
Meanwhile GOP officials called Thursday for calmer, more reasonable death threats to be made toward Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s accuser.
Meanwhile GOP officials called Thursday for calmer, more reasonable death threats to be made toward Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s accuser.
“We understand there’s a lot of controversy around this, but she still deserves to have people threaten to kill her in a polite way,” said Senator Chuck Grassley (R-IA), who added that cooler heads must prevail, especially when dealing with a situation as delicate as taunting the accuser by vowing to broadcast her family’s home address.
“It’s important for us to maintain a sense of decorum. Now, that doesn’t mean we have to stop sending graphic emails—it just means we should tone down the rhetoric about mutilating her corpse. You should always take the high road and leave her children out of this. Remember, there’s really no need to use misogynistic slurs such as ‘bitch’ when ‘lying whore’ will suffice.”
At press time, Grassley reiterated that a “true conservative” would terrorize her in a way that would “make our founding fathers proud.”
12 comments:
The Onion is a satire magazine, Montoya. You should note that for more dumbass readers who may believe this fiction shit.
What would we expect of our prudent? nothing more than he's way of getting bye with bribes, payout for fu--s, what an example of a pig, sorry pigs, you do better.
Two days after the retirement of Judge Kennedy from the SCOTUS, Gloria Allred, the Left Coast attorney that often defends cases in the media, announced that any nominee by Trump should be challenged with an accusation of sexual abuse. Prof. Ford is a pussy hat wearing radical who has also stated that any nominee should be challenged with an accusation of sexual abuse against any Trump appointee. George Soros' mission is to destroy the United States and he uses his money to promote that mission. Prof. Ford's attorney is a feminazi who is on the Soros payroll, as is Prof. Ford's brother. The attack on Kavanaugh is a planned event by radical leftist women and seemingly supported by Democrats in Congress. These same Democrats in Congress refuse to challenge their own party members accused of the same indiscretions. Democrats have only one agenda...to destroy Trump. That agenda aligns closely with Soros' goals to destroy the U.S.
(dumbass readers who may believe this fiction shit.)
You'd have to be a complete and total idiot, to still support someone like that orange turd.
Elchuko.
11.31
Well said Booby WC you keep on going as you get more people reading on this blog.
You haters are more than stupid, ignorant and pathetic to let the Democrats poke your eyes! They don't and never have cared about you dumb idiots! What have they done all these years representing you?? Lining their own pockets with your hard earned money!open your eyes!
To 11:31, can't take it huh? But it was ok for your racist GOP party to ignore Obama's nominee, Merrick Garland, who was better qualified than Kavanaugh, and it was ok for your flaky Porn President to insult and mock women, right? Well, these radical leftist women and the Democrats in Congress might just have the last laugh. Oh by the way, in case you haven't heard, Michael Avenatti is representing a third accuser who will be going public shortly. I hope you continue having diarrhea.
Stop the freaking resistance your destroying our country .... this democrat is voting republican next time l tired of all the bull shit we can see thru the bullshit and smell it a mile away
Vote cascos he's a true red republican
Trump will pardon Bill Crosby if Bret is elected.
Oh God. There's nothing 'conservative' left of the GOP. It's all a bunch of sex party maniacs grabbing women left and right, everyone in DC knew about Kavanaugh and his parties just like everyone knew Trump was lying when he said he'd never boinked Stormy. But they hold up a Bible that they've never read and their little followers nod and keep supporting them. Why? They want to feel like winners. So they support the creeps, they know Trump is a liar, they know Kavanagh molested those women, but they pretend they don't because they can't face losing to the liberals they used to make fun of.
Ford already made her money from George Soros!
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