Special to El Rrun-Rrun
The Onion
EVANSTON, WY—Throwing bottles of bleach, ammonia, and Drano into a cart at his local grocery store, area man Troy Mitchell was reportedly stocking up on one of every cleaning product he could find Wednesday in case President Donald Trump announces it is a coronavirus cure.
a man Troy Mitchell was reportedly stocking up on one of every cleaning product he could find Wednesday in case President Donald Trump announces it is a coronavirus cure.
“I got toilet bowl cleaner, carpet cleaner, Swiffer WetJet refills—you name it—just so me and my family will be ready if the president announces one of these things can treat Chinese virus,” said Mitchell, indiscriminately throwing containers of laundry detergent, Scrubbing Bubbles, grout whitener, steel wool, Febreze, Tilex mold and mildew remover, and laptop screen wipes into the cart, the contents of which rang up to $2,513.67 at checkout.
“I’m not getting caught without some oven degreaser should Trump say it’s going to save us, so I better go ahead and grab me a bottle. After this, I’m hitting the hardware store to pick up a 5-gallon bucket of roof sealant to make sure I’m prepared in the event that turns out to be what gets rid of the Wuhan.
Could just be 10 or 20 squirts of Windex into each nostril. You never know what might work in a pinch!” At press time, neighbors confirmed Mitchell had been found unresponsive on the floor of his bathroom with several empty aerosol cans of Rust-Oleum wax-and-tar-removing solvent by his head.
16 comments:
Some businesses defy Texas rules on virus-related closings
Ah let me see a furniture store, a car wash, a coffee shop for bikers with parking at Police station and a few others.
Any more hillbillys want to volunteer who knows you just might come out in TV with your pendejo idol...
This is FAKE NEWS. The Onion is a "satire" news outlet. Montoya is joking again. smh.
Trump needs to try Lysol through his nose, this should clear his stable stupid thinking
Please inform people that this is satire. People will think this is true. It's okay to have comedy but you need to tell people it's comedy. It's dangerous.
“The Onion” is a parody web page. Covidiots will actually believe this.
The Orange One’s humble shuffling off the stage Friday night without taking questions showed that even he reaches a point where he knows he blew it.
We're all stuck in Trump's nightmare!
Si a su esposo no se le para durante la noche - la tos...dele CULOMIL!!!
Trump is trying to kill people every which way he can, bro! Lysol now, Drano tomorrow!!!
A President of the United States has no business play around or making a joke of whatever if effecting the people he is suppose to be protecting and guiding. The President is unbelievable in more ways than one - no ones believes anything he says anymore and he does say some stupid things. Where did this guy come from and who were the idiots in the electoral college that decided to vote for him? The popular vote went to Clinton so it is time that we start something to remove the electoral college amendment with a 28th to remove it. Este Vato estad retardado y pendejo de madre.
This article would be humorous except that it reflects how ignorant the general public is about all things in general. Too many people listen and believe what they see and hear on TV. No one, who has a brain, should rely on TV, radio or the press to tell them what to do, what products to use and especially which political candidates to vote for. Americans today are too willing to listen and act like sheep. Too many Americans don't want to work and want government to protect them and give them free shit. The Constitution of the U.S.A. protects us from government and yet now people want the government to protect them from themselves.
Please liberals don't inject or drink Lysol or Clorox. Also inform your family members not to do it.
I knew a guy they called la cebolla he was short and built like a cebolla.
April 25 @ 10:04 AM
"who were the idiots in the electoral college that decided to vote for him".
Quien esta mas pendejo:
El pendejo o el pendejo que no sabe que esta pendejo?
Somebody please tell this guy not to drink or inject himself with bleach.
Anybody know the definition of "Parody"? That's what the entire fiasco was promised upon. Geezz people, wake up please!
If the orange-a-tang idiot president tries to cover his stupid statement about disinfectants and UV light dildos by claiming it was a sort of joke, he's even dumber than he first sounded. Sixty thousand dead people.. and their families and friends.. aren't going to see the humor in it. Any child knows about empathy for others. This phat bastard acts like he's a 13 year old village idiot. At first you ask, how does such a clown get elected president? Well, actually, he was 3 million votes short of being elected by the people. But only 535 voters actually pick the president of the US. The other 130,000,000 who voted were just asked their opinion, not that it mattered.
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