“It was me. I did it.”
Confessing to the crime eliminates the need for a trial entirely.
“I’m just not that into true crime.”
Just because it’s really having a moment doesn’t mean that it’s for you!
“Unfortunately, I’ve accepted an offer from another jury.”
Tell the judge that while the decision wasn’t easy, you’ve decided to accept a position in another courtroom.
“I have a bailiff allergy.”
A judge will consider health restrictions you might have, so let them know that you could realistically die if you’re even in the same room as a court officer.
“I’m busy.”
The officials in charge of the jury selection process would never dream of interfering with someone who is busy.
“My heart wouldn’t be in it.”
They’re looking for people who not only qualify for jury duty but are genuinely enthusiastic.
“I can’t operate on that jury. He’s my son!”
That’s for getting out of surgeries, you idiot.
“I’ve seen this crime before, so I already know how it ends.”
Most attorneys would be concerned you’ll ruin the ending for the other 11 members of the jury.
“I’m already nude from the waist down, so what makes you think I won’t take off my shirt on a jury?”
Most judges, however, won’t let you finish that sentence.
“It’ll be fun to give this brand-new Covid strain a test drive.”
The doctor said the one you got is pretty new to this country, so a jury room is a great way to test its supposedly startling contagiousness.
The officials in charge of the jury selection process would never dream of interfering with someone who is busy.
“My heart wouldn’t be in it.”
They’re looking for people who not only qualify for jury duty but are genuinely enthusiastic.
“I can’t operate on that jury. He’s my son!”
That’s for getting out of surgeries, you idiot.
“I’ve seen this crime before, so I already know how it ends.”
Most attorneys would be concerned you’ll ruin the ending for the other 11 members of the jury.
“I’m already nude from the waist down, so what makes you think I won’t take off my shirt on a jury?”
Most judges, however, won’t let you finish that sentence.
“It’ll be fun to give this brand-new Covid strain a test drive.”
The doctor said the one you got is pretty new to this country, so a jury room is a great way to test its supposedly startling contagiousness.
Saying this immediately proves you’re a stone-cold liar not to be trusted in any jury.
“I’m a judge, and this is my courtroom.”
Well, what are you doing hanging out in the jury box then?
“I’ve got a thousand bucks riding on the verdict.”
The court will legally have to pay up if you turn out to be right.
“My wittle tummy hurts.”
Who in their right mind would say no to an excuse this cute?
“I have a note from my parents.”
If it helped you get out of P.E. in elementary school, it should work for jury duty too.
“My second head has a work obligation that day.”
Saying this will convince court officials not only that you can’t be impartial but also that you might be hallucinating.
“I’d be so much better as the judge, bailiff, or executioner.”
Every courtroom has difficulty filling non-jury positions, so they’ll appreciate it if you offer your time to serve in those roles instead.
Well, what are you doing hanging out in the jury box then?
“I’ve got a thousand bucks riding on the verdict.”
The court will legally have to pay up if you turn out to be right.
“My wittle tummy hurts.”
Who in their right mind would say no to an excuse this cute?
“I have a note from my parents.”
If it helped you get out of P.E. in elementary school, it should work for jury duty too.
“My second head has a work obligation that day.”
Saying this will convince court officials not only that you can’t be impartial but also that you might be hallucinating.
“I’d be so much better as the judge, bailiff, or executioner.”
Every courtroom has difficulty filling non-jury positions, so they’ll appreciate it if you offer your time to serve in those roles instead.
Due to the high frequency of clerical errors, you’ll likely be one of many deceased people in the courtroom.
“I’m just not looking for anything serious right now.”
Judges are looking for jurors that aren’t afraid of commitment and can see things through for the long haul.
“I own a bird.”
Disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself.
“I own a bird.”
Disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourself.
9 comments:
I would say guilty if white and innocent if brown and black
The City of Brownsville and the County Court House is one big nest of rattlesnakes. If the City of Brownsville and the creatures that inhabit the County Court House were of an honorable nature, it would be a pleasure to serve as a juror. However, this a city and judicial system that is nothing more than a cesspool of humanity. I fully understand why people don’t want to serve as jurors. They don’t want this environment.
La Hooters!
Arriba, Mexico!!!
Strange that Chief Felix El Chapo Sauceda can't find anyone to name as his new Commander??
Well welcome to the circus...let's give you a brief tour of this circus action far..you can't make this shit up!!
So here we go..welcome to the show!
Act #1..
Brownsville Police Chief Felix Sauceda, He may carry the title of Chief but more than half of his own people don't respect the the guy...I dare call him a man when half his people won't even call him CHIEF..
but it's not his fault he had never really been a true supervisor at any level.
As a sergeant he wasn't on the streets for very long and was then moved to evidence room and the city jail.
He was then moved over to the Special Investigations Unit where he really messed things up, comprised himself and the Police Department, and probably would be sitting in jail somewhere if it wasn't for the kindness of the former Chief Orlando Rodriguez.
Sauceda was removed immediately than allowed to promote where he became a Lieutenant and spent his time as the commander's secretary, where most of his time was spent sending out emails and planning to get revenge on others who have gad a far superior career than him.
Now for the rest of the story: As Commander Dale's secretary he dreamed of sitting in the Commanders chair and was caught on several different occasions sitting in the big chair..
Then Commander Dale became entangled in a power struggle with Commissioner Jessica Tetreau over guess who? Of course, Diane Martinez.
The fight was over Diane's scheduling because she refused to work late and did not want to work weekends. The Sgt. Assigned to supervisor her was scared of her that he decided to inform the Lieutenant he reported to guess who it was Felix Sauceda. SAUCEDA ALSO STAINED HIS PANTIES AND ran to his BOSS Commander Dale.
But since Sauceda and Diane have history, and Sauceda knew that Commander Dale who has a pair and would do what was right for the department.
*Sauceda sees an opportunity and puts the two on a collision course*;
Sauceda tells Diane to get Jessica involved.
Commissioner Tetreau then calls Dale told him to change Diane's schedule immediately and threatened to end his career if she didn't get her wish.
Well here is where it all got crazy. Ex-Chief Orlando Rodriguez had already put in for retirement so he left the most senior commander in charge, who was James Paschal.
Then, Lt. Sauceda now capitalizing on his opportunity to advance and made friends with Tetreau promising that if he was made chief of police he would take care of the commissioners best friend Diane. So the story unfoldes; At the order of Tetreau, acting chief Paschall then demotes Commander David Dale and makes Sauceda Acting Commander – a position he holds very briefly – and a short period later, to everyone's surprise, he is named chief over some very qualified individuals. COME to find out Felix Sauceda takes the job cause he made an arrangement with the City Manager Bernal he would take a pay cut at a rock bottom price...SAUCEDA, FELIX J 310 - Police Administration $119,999.98.
CITY Manager Bernal now sees the desperation of Sauceda how he can not only control the Police Department but the extra money he cuts from the Police Department he can give give himself a raise..
Great Going Chief Sauceda and city manager Noel Bernal. Y'all have now made yourself look like the total idiots you truly are!
#worstchiefever....
SEE Act#2..
@ September 15, 2021 at 9:02 AM
Typical Racist Meskin.
September 17, 2021 at 9:43 PM
hillbilly republicans are racist
September 15, 2021 at 10:23 AM
I want to see la hooters
September 17, 2021 at 9:43 PM
How perceptive, must have gone to the circus
Laura, you shouldn’t have sent those text pics a while back. I’ve protected you and you don’t know who I am right now. But you should be nicer to me. You ignore me on purpose. I’ve stopped the asshole from sharing those pics several times.
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