CDC IDENTIFIES CHISMETITUS SYNDROME, NEW PANDEMIC

Special to El Rrun-Rrun

 "A truth told with bad intent, beats all the lies you can invent."

It starts with a tingling of the ears that then spreads to the throat, nose, and ear canal depending on the severity of the infection. 

It is a new pandemic now recognized in the local population which affects men and women equally and has been identified as the Chismetitus Syndrome. The Center for Disease Control says it is spread by close contact between individuals that results when people whisper into each other's ears and transmit fluids in the forms of droplets into others' ears by hurried speech.

The CDC recommends that individuals refrain from spreading the Chismetitus at close quarters and instead resort to spreading malignant rumors through texting instead. In severe cases, victims report that they hear voices spreading unintelligible gibberish which they, in turn, try to repeat to others and the infection spreads.

Some infected individuals often confuse Chismetitus with Tinnitus which is usually caused by an underlying condition, such as age-related hearing loss, an ear injury, a problem with the circulatory system, or a close association with gossip mongers.

Some effects of Chismetitus include broken relationships, fighting, a search for the instigators with intent to commit great bodily harm, unrelieved anger, and intense mistrust of suspected chismosos. Victims are often seen shaking their heads, mindlessly arguing to themselves, and vociferously negating the allegations spread between infected persons, etc., 

Over the counter medication is usually available at local pharmacies and includes the generics Closocico, Shutdfkup, Fermezlabouche and Cierralamamadora, the last one available in tablet and liquid form.

These medications should not be taken by people with thin skins, individuals who suffer from paranoia, depression, hallucinations, or have suicidal thoughts. Ask your doctor if these medications are right for you.