THE DAYS WHEN LUIS LUCIO REGALED THE VFW WITH VET HUMOR

By Juan Montoya

Sometime back before we became personas non gratas at the Veterans of Foreign Wars Post #2035, the late post commander for life Luis Lucio used to regale us with his very special brand of veteran jokes.

As the point man for scuttlebutt at the VFW, Lucio heard all the juicy ones. We warn you, if you're hypersensitive about race and military service, stop reading. If anything, vets can laugh at themselves and don't mind a politically-incorrect guffaw every once in a while. Here goes.

It seems that three vets were at the the Audie Murphy Hospital unit in San Antonio and were sitting in the cafeteria waiting for their medical appointments. One was Anglo, another Black, and a third was a Mexican-American.

As they sat shooting the shit, they noticed a man in white robes with a halo around his head walk in the cafeteria doors.

"That's our Savior," said the white guy.

"Shore is," said the black guy. "Its da lawd."

"Nombre, es puro pedo. Es un pinche hippie," said the crusty vet from the valley.

The man sat down in the table next to them and a waiter ambled over to take his order.

"What can we get you, soldier?" he asked the man.

"Son, I am very hungry. I would very much like to have something to eat and drink, but I have no money."

"Well, that's too  bad," the waiter said. "We don't give away food for free here."

At that the white guy stood up and told the waiter:

"Give him whatever he wants to eat. I'll pay for it."

The black guy also rose and told the waiter:
"Whatever he wants to drink, I'll pay."

The Mexican guy looked at his friends and also stood up and said:

"We'll is he's till hungry after he eats all that, I might be able to help him out with a small cake or something."

At that the Lord turned around and thanked them and asked the white guy what had happened to him.

"God, it's not like you don't know, but when I was in Korea, a Chinese soldier threw a grenade into our fox hole and it blew up and hurt my spine. I've had trouble ever since. I even have to use crutches or a walker."

The Lord passed his hand over the white guy's spine and the man straightened out and shouted with joy, kissing god's hand. 

"Thank you, Lord. I'm cured! I'm cured!"

God looks over at the black vet and asks: "And what happened to you, my son?"

"Well, Lawd, I got shot by a sniper in the 'Nam and it messed up my knee something awful. It shattered the bone and now I limp," he said.

The Lord passes his hand over the man's knee and behold! he is cured.

"Thank you God!," said the vet crying with joy. "My leg feels like  new. Thank you!"

All this time the Mexican-American vet is eyeing the Lord warily and as Jesus turns toward him, he walks backward with his hands stretched out keeping Him away.

"Ah, no. Muchas  gracias. A mi no. Yo recibo cheque. ("Oh, no, you don't. Thanks a lot, but I get a disability check.")."