La Cebolla
AUSTIN, TX – In a sweeping prohibition with immediate implications for the Lone Star State’s potential mothers-to-be, Texas banned the sale of luggage to pregnant women Monday.
“With this law, we ensure that no gestating woman living in our great state can pack her belongings and escape our will,” Gov. Greg Abbott said upon signing the bill, explaining that the You’re Not Going Anywhere Act outlaws the sale of all suitcases, duffel bags, and backpacks to women without the express consent of at least two male family members or a waiver granted by the governor himself.
“Should an expectant woman be found in possession of luggage of any kind—even a small handbag or clutch, which we all know can be used to smuggle mifepristone—she will be subject to the full force of the Texas healthcare system. And rest assured, we have mandated that all luggage sold in the state can only be unlocked with a negative pregnancy test.”
At press time, Texas reportedly expanded its ban to include the sale of plane tickets, travel-size shampoo, and gasoline to pregnant women.
20 comments:
Someone is not going to Heaven.
Taliban style. Long live the rule of oppression.
What we need in our society today are Truth tellers and not the liars who run the show.
Abbott is not well-liked
What the HELL is this Country coming too
I have always know this is a free Country what is happing not?
Are women going to start being slaves to men?
He's the governor, so obviously he is well liked. Tat! Tarat!!!
racist republican
Pinche Hot Wheels, what an ass....
Bullshit article! Stop crying Montoya and publish what you really feel.
will the governor of this great state start be selling ball and chains sooon? I would imagine to males only.
I was eating a sandwich when I reached for and then dropped a chip on the floor. It pissed me off, so I shot God the finger.
He's still angry.
Trump voters chose the felon, rapist over their women and daughters. Shame.
I do that too. More and more.
I'm sure you hurt his feelings. 🤣😂
Will it be aiding and abetting if. . . I drive her all the way on the Highway to Hell?
Have mercy, been waiting for the bus all day!
LUGGAGE? you mean a sack of beans
Hate to burst your bubble but this was an attempt at comedy by the onion..this story is completely made up, Montoya is just rrally gullible sometimes...no hard feelings juan it happens to the best of us in an information age
rrally your asssss gullible all da time, idiota
wheels on a chair is now the texas logo and also the flag.
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