La Cebolla
Starbase, home to SpaceX’s private launch site, has voted to become an official Texas city. La Cebolla shares the perfect two-day itinerary for Starbase tourists.
Day One
9:30 a.m. Get started at the visitor center
From the airport, head straight to the Starbase Visitor Center, where you can book tours, buy souvenirs, and pick up a handy map showing which facilities your race is allowed to use.
11 a.m. Check out Build-a-Son Workshop at Starbase Mall
Get in touch with your creative side by combining sperm and eggs to make your very own Elon Musk male progeny.
2 p.m. Stroll through the farmers market
Pick up a meal-replacement shake for lunch, or help yourself to one of the many free samples of artisanal monkey jerky.
5:30 p.m. Rocket launch
Watch that big fucker blow up.
8 p.m. Movie night
Head to the drive-in theater to catch the night’s programming, a video of Elon Musk walking into Twitter HQ carrying a sink, set to a loop for three and a half hours.
1 a.m. The Feeding
The feeding begins.
Day Two
8 a.m. Rise and shine
Start your day as the locals do by heading to the employee cafeteria, grabbing breakfast, and forcing a laugh at whatever Elon Musk does with a banana.
12 p.m. Take an Aryan child sled ride
Enjoy a relaxing ride through town on a sled pulled by six energetic 9-year-olds of pure Caucasian heritage.
3 p.m. Pick up a souvenir
Stop by town hall to purchase a copy of one of the many surveillance photos taken of you and your family during your visit.
7 p.m. Cut loose with Rick And Morty quote karaoke
Head to the local bar and participate in the time-honored tradition of shouting quotes from the animated series at the top of your lungs.
2:30 a.m. Awaken to screaming. Across the way, a waifish woman holding a baby hangs out a window yelling for help. Is that…Grimes?
Yes! Good spot.
4 a.m. Come to bound and gagged inside a SpaceX test rocket
The last thing you may remember is something hard hitting the back of your head. It’s Starbase fun for the whole family.
6 comments:
Please Elon buy Brownsville. It's a piece of shit run by corrupt politicians. T
Please Elon buy Brownsville. It's a piece of shit run by corrupt politicians. While your at it audit our local politicians and the offices they hold. I for one would like to know where are property taxes are going.Or rather whose pockets they are going to.
There's loads of proof that Paul died. You have to be extremely short-sighted and in deep denial to say that this guy (William Shepard, Billy Shears, call him whenever you want) is the same person with the 62-66 Paul. The guy didn't show up for the RnR Hall of Fame induction. In George's speech, he says, "We are what's left of the Beatles. We loved (LOVED-past tense) John and Paul.
In the Beatles Anthology documentary Paul (Billy)says while driving, "When I JOINED the band, they were already famous." Wait a minute! Weren't you one of the founding members?
Don’t accept that plane. Disgraceful. He has taken so much from so many. No one stops him. Trump, the former Democrat, is above the law.
You envy like a broke college leftist, Montoya.
If it's not costing the taxpayers who cares? Spanish tradition states that when one is given a gift it's an insult if one refuses to accept. When was the last time you refused a drink or a beer when it was gifted to you?
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