La Cebolla
WASHINGTON — Emphasizing that he wasn’t going to leave the nation’s capital without getting one good photograph, D.C. tourist Stan Jacobs expressed frustration Friday after atrocities kept getting in the frame of his shot.
“All right, everyone, looking good — just wait two more seconds until all those military guys finish shooting their assault rifles and hop back into their big armored tank,” said a visibly impatient Jacobs, who asked his family to give him a “big smile” and “say cheese” just as several National Guardsmen, FBI agents, and DHS officers sprinted into the foreground and began physically assaulting dozens of people.
“Excuse me, sir? I know you have to do your job and brutalize American citizens, but could you just do it a few feet to the right? I only need two seconds without it looking like I live under a fascist police state.
"Actually. Could you take our picture? Just try not to get any blood on the lens.”
At press time, Jacobs was reportedly struggling to crop in on the photo to hide the fact that an active member of the U.S. military had just shot him in the chest several times.
11 comments:
I am planning a family trip to DC now. Thank you President Trump for making my country safe again.
Washington DC is safer thanks to the National Guards presence. Thanks President Trump for making America safe again. One radical crime infested Democratic city at a time.
Tell the negroes to stop breaking the law.
Caperucita Roja
carrying a sack of old T-shirts
camisetas viejas, ripped and sweat-stained
for her abuela’s stall
through the flea market woods
of bootleg DVDs
tariff-priced tools
santos de plástico
y el olor de gorditas fritas
The Wolf waits
el Lobo Naranja
hair like straw fire
sitting in a busted lawn chair
hawking miracle juice
in unmarked bottles
promising walls
promising oro
promising greatness
In the background
Elmer Fudd shuffles entre los puestos
sombrero chueco
escopeta dragging in the dirt
muttering “be vewy vewy quiet…”
nadie le hace caso
“Abuela, qué crowds tan grandes tienes”
“Para mentir mejor, m’ija”
“Abuela, qué ratings tan grandes tienes”
“Para fakearlos mejor”
The Wolf cheats at Lotería
marca El Borracho dos veces
claims La Chalupa is his
grita “¡Lotería!”
while the card is still empty
¿quién hace trampa en Lotería?
solo el Lobo
He swallows la abuela
swallows la urna
swallows los trabajadores
swallows el tariff
swallows el mercado entero
Belches
huele a Coca de dieta
a corte de bancarrota
y a gorditas fritas
In the Wolf’s belly
un horno de secretos
los archivos de Epstein
los sueños de dictador
los gritos racistas
los niños en jaulas
los huesos del bosque
He thinks he is rey
he thinks he is príncipe
pero es solo un tramposo
un gritón de carnaval
un sapo en la ropa de la abuela
Vendors gather
la señora de tamales
el vato con pitbulls
un mi’jo con cumbias piratas
hombres con tatuajes como mapas del Río Grande
They cut the Wolf open
con llaves de cruz
con rosarios
con cuerdas de guitarra rotas
Out spills democracia
la abuela
un bolsón de Pokémon falsos
y un río de camisetas viejas
manchadas de sudor
como las promesas del Lobo
La música arranca
acordeón, norteño gritando
como si nada
pero todos saben
que el Lobo está acabado
enfermo, tambaleando
las elecciones encima
el tiempo corriendo
no puede gerrymandear la tumba
no puede hacer trampa en el final
And just as the Wolf stumbles
Elmer Fudd se acerca
escopeta temblando en sus manos
ojos abiertos, labios temblando
“I thought I saw a wabbit…”
BLAM—
la cabeza del Lobo revienta
stuffing, mentiras, y paja naranja
esparciéndose por el concreto
un chorro espumoso corriendo rápido
rojo y café, con limón y chile
todo hirviendo bajo el sol
pareciendo exactamente
a una Michelada derramada
de un vaso de foam de 32 onzas
reventado en el suelo
Tu que??
Te boi a acusar con mamá
que me estas asiendo bully
Quítese esa vulnerabilidad, presidenta
Aunque México es frágil frente a Estados Unidos, no está inerme. Si Claudia Sheinbaum decidiera responder las agresiones, podría entre otras cosas dejar de contener la migración, lo que metería a Trump en serios aprietos.
Manipulation of crime stats is Trump’s forte. The crime rate in Southern red states is at an all time high. Let’s send the Gestapo.
Let's get rid of crime at the roots. Start with Trump at the White House.
Bolsonaro in Brazil will go to trial for attempting a coup d'etat mirroring what
Trump did in D.C. Our Supreme Court empowers presidents with unlimited
power and grants them immunity from prosecution. What a crock of shit.
But Biden and his administration were perfect no crimes. Give them all lie detectors.
Stupid democrat representative criminals, you all just love crime and don't care if your constituents become victims. I've talked to family and friends and they admit that there's a sense of safety in the city. Even some of you democrats know damn well that it safer in the city. Sad that you sorry excuse of politicians don't see that our President is just trying to make this country better and just have to comment about everything to try and discredit. What's even sadder that your very stupid blind followers don't see it and actually believe the shit that you all spew out of those crooked mouths.
Puro complain on Trump have you been to the rat holes of LA, DC and NYC y quieren más. Stop complaining take out the broom and help instead of trump is so racist STFUP HE IS DOING A BAD ASS JOB FINALLY SOMEONE WITH BALLS PURA BOLA DE MENTOROSOS
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