GOT PROBLEMS? WHY NOT SET A WORLD RECORD AND FORGET THEM?

"If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull...." by W.C. Fields.

By Juan Montoya
So what do you do when the city's broke, the schools have to trim costs to pass a balanced budget, the city commission has to borrow $5.7 million to patch the bad streets, and the unemployment rate in the county leads the state at 13 percent and the poverty rate is 34 percent, twice the state rate of 17 percent?
Why, break world records, of course.
Who's going to worry about hunger when they can Zumba the day away without a care in the world?
This feat of legerdemain was performed this past April 20 when 1200 plus people joined City Commissioner Rose Gowen to break the Guinness World Record for the largest Zumba class as part of Brownsville's Biggest Loser Challenge.
With 1,223 people participating, the city of Brownsville was officially recognized by Guinness World Records judge Amanda Mochan.
Poverty? Unemployment?
“There’s no words to describe how exciting this is,” Commissioner Rose Gowen told the local daily. “It’s a great source of pride to think that the community came together to celebrate something, and that’s very powerful.”
"Let's dance," said Gowen.
And just three short weeks after that little feat got us world notice, the city, cheered on by another city commissioner, angled for another notch for Brownsville in the global posting wall.
With a Guinness adjudicator on hand at the Brownsville Events Centre, the records counters certified that 2,206 people fished. Organizer David Mendez said it blew the old record of 796 out of the water.
"I hope this record will hold for a while,” Mendez said.
“For many of the families and children, it was their first experience fishing — and their first experience with a world record,” City Commissioner Melissa Zamora said. Earlier she had explained that a purpose of the event was to introduce young people to the sport of fishing.
"Hook 'em holmes," she chortled.
So eager were we to be recognized by the world record publication that Las Huellas Fishing Kids forked over $5,600 to have a Guinness adjudicator Johanna Hessling fly in from New York City.
“I think it was well worth the money,” he said.
Now we learn that these two attempts are just the latest manifestations of the World Record Syndrome peculiar to Browntown.
On May 24, 2007, the local daily reported that a record-breaking readathon was certified by the Guinness Book of World Records (again), recognizing a local group of college students and professors.
The School of Education at the University of Texas at Brownsville and Texas Southmost College "officially" broke the world reading record with more than 140 hours of reading aloud during five days in March. They also received ( as did the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz) an "official" certificate from the Guinness Book of World Records.
Now we understand (hold the presses!) that life is cheap in Brownsville.
The Council for Community and Economic Research (C2ER) ranked Brownsville 10th among 312 cities that were analyzed as part of a study comprising research from economic-related agencies throughout the U.S. and Canada.
Harlingen (That does it, I'm moving to gringoland!) topped the list that also included Texas cities Temple (fifth), Round Rock (eighth) and the Sherman-Denison area (ninth).
Could the fact that the city has a 13 percent unemployment rate (economic "Depression" percentage), which tops the state of Texas. and has had a 22 percent job-loss clip since 2009 have anything to so with this?
Anyway, living in a historic city such as Brownsville, we really don;t need these kinds of gimmicks to set us apart from our U.S. brethren. Here are a few things for which we have gained national recognition.
1. We were the entry point for the U,.S. military invasion in 1846 under Zachary Taylor that resulted in one half of the Mexican territory to end in U.S. hands two years later.
2. The first battles of the Mexican-American War were fought here at Palo Alto and Resaca de la Guerra.

3. This is where Mexican dictator Porfirio Diaz made his first attempt to overthrow Benito Juarez and lived at the Stillman House courtesy of Charles Stillman, who was after the rialroad and telegraph concessions from the Mexican government. Alas, he did not succeed.

4. Dr. William Gorgas did not discover the cure for yellow fever at Ft. Brown, but did bone up on hygienic techniques that allowed him to wipe out he mosquitoes carrying the disease and made possible the building of the Panama Canal.
5. Brownsville was the point from where airplane expeditions were made into northern Mexico to seek out revolutionary/bandit Pancho Villa, albeit without success. The planes returned to town all shot up.
6. Just 25 miles upriver, U.S. troops captured a German couriers during WWI with a copy of the Zimmerman Telegram. The Zimmerman note was a message intercepted by British intelligence from Germany to Mexico in 1917 proposing that in the event of a German war with the United states, Mexico should attack the US. It would be a Mexican opportunity to retake the Mexican Cession.

7. The death certificate for recluse billionaire Howard Hughes states that his place of death was in the air above (you guessed it!) Brownsville, Texas. Why not Matamoros? Do you really think the attorneys for the Hughes estate wanted to fight over the billions in a Mexican court?

8. This is the place where "Lucky Lindy" inaugurated air mail to Latin America with Amelia Earhart looking on when he landed at the city airport.

9. This is the place where Billy Mitchell proved the experts wrong and showed them that airplanes could have a military application.

10. This is where a Mexican air batallion trained to fight on our side during WWII.

11. This is the town that caught the attention of the world when babies suddenly started being born without a brain. Called by a a variety of names such as the Mallory babies, the anancephaelic babies cases ended up in court and earned modest settlements for the families, but made personal injury attorneys (such as our current Mayor Tony Martinez) wealthy men beyond imagination.

12. This is the only place where birdwatchers can come to the city dump (a money maker) and see a Mexican crow feating on carrion and refuse. Notch another one for the list, honey!

13. This is where a Houston-based engineering company and local bought-and-paid-for public servats bilked the taxpayer do the Brownsville Navigation District for $21 million to build a Bridge to Nowhere...and got away with it!

14. This is the place where dynasties (the Lucios and Oliveiras) continue to sell their positions as public servants to the highest bidders...and get away with it!

Compared to this august list of accomplishments, what can a few dancers and kids with fishing poles measure up?

Call the Guinness Book of World Records, Earl! I think we got a winner!