BARTON: A PIN IN THE UTB BALLOON CONVENTION. JULIET, DO NOT ASK FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS. IT TOLLS FOR THEE

By Jim Barton
Special to El Rrun-Rrun
I felt like an atheist at a tent revival, but I was not alone. Scanning the audience during one of the coordinated manuscript speeches, I spotted other apostates, heretics and rebels.
Kiko Rendon waved.
The Mimi Mapache Rodriguez of Facebook wore her "Save TSC" t-shirt.
Linda Dragustinovis was attired in a tailored Cheezmeh shirt. Other assorted Cheezers wore the black and white. Adela Garza dressed appropriately, but I would have given several pennies for her thoughts. A speaker from each segment of UTB spoke with a bell theme. A student, a faculty member, an administrator and even the queen herself paid homage to enough bell analogies to fill a dried up resaca.
Arturo Guerra, the student speaker, was introduced by Garcia as the student body president and a potential December graduate or as Jerry Mchale would say: "one of the lucky 17% UTB is able to graduate."
After each speech, the orator was given quality time with the bell. The faculty rep knocked it silly.
Senator Lucio and Representative Oliveira thought about stealing it, but gave it an unenthusiastic shove instead. Only the student acted too old for this silliness. The highlight of the afternoon was the pre-schoolers who seemed terrifed of the bell, a touching, if unrehearsed segment.
In a multiple choice question, a young lady representing Wells Fargo Bank would be the answer to the question: "Which person doesn't fit?" She was on stage because her bank generously donated $10,000 to the Bell Scholarship Fund, actually enough moolah to pay Julietta's salary for a week and a half. In a stroke of unoriginal creative genius, a huge fake check was hoisted up for public view, much to the delight of the brethren.
During the service, a lady carried a serving tray with one clear plastic cup's worth of beverage available for the taking, giving me a Jonestown flashback.
Despite the heat, I didn't feel thirsty.