RURAL HUMOR (CHISTES) OUT ON THE HUSTINGS

By Juan Montoya
Rural folks have a wry sense of humor.
It probably comes from being isolated out in the boondocks and just having the time to think about stuff without the hustle andf bustle that comes with urban living.
Rural South Texas residents are no different. This weekend we were out at a campaign pachanga
hosted by the Martinez family in Santa Maria for County Court-at-Law #1 Judge Arturo McDonald.
Now, everyone who knows Arturo knows that his dad, Arturo Sr., could hold his own in a joke-telling session, even though the color of the humor soon turned decidedly blue.
As we were munching on a delicious asado de puerco at the Martinez home (they killed two pigs) and washing the delicacy down with some suds, one of the local residents started telling some funny ones. He waited until there were no ladies around and the usual circle of men stood around shooting the breeze. As is usually the case, we can't remember all of them, but two were memorable for their humor. Since he is an elderly man, they have to do with doctor office visits for the common South Texas ailments, la azucar (blood sugar) y el colestrol (cholesterol). As they were told in South Texas Spanish, we will  print them as such and hope our monolingual friends can find someone to translate: Here goes:

LA AZUCAR:
Un compadre se encontro a otro compadre y lo noto muy angustiado.
"Que le pasa, compadre? Lo veo muy aguitado."
"Es que vengo del doctor, compadre."
"Y luego," respondio el otro. "Que le hallaron?"
"Pos dice que estoy muy malo, compadre."
"Muy malo? Pero no parece que esta enfermo, compadre."
Si, compadre. Dice que tengo mucha azucar."
"Azucar, compadre? Pero no se ve que usted tenga nada. Se mira muy bien."
Le contesta el compadre enojado: "No sea menso, compadre. Ni que fuera un buñuelo!"

EL COLESTEROL:
Estaba sentado un compadre cuando deviso al otro que venia por el camino. Se miraba como si apenas pudiera caminar y se veia que iva caminando sambo come si fuera en dolor.
"Que tiene, compadre?," peregunto uno.
"Acabo de venir del doctor y me hicieron unos examenes, compadre."
"A jijo," dijo el otro compadre. "Que le hicieron compadre? Le metieron algo pa checarle la prostata, o que?"
"Nombre compadre, no sea cochino," respondio el otro, y siguio caminado con las piernas separadas, muy incomodo.
"Entonces que, compadre?  Le metieron una sonda o le pusieron inyecciones? Anda caminando muy sospechoso."
"Nombre, compadre, me encontraron colesterol," dijo el otro.
"Colesterol? Pero pal colestrol no le ponen nada all atras. Porque anda asi?"
"Es que el doctor me prohibio jamas ya tocar los huevos," contesto el otro.