Exercise More: It’s time to finally accept your body for the damaged, irreparable pile of trash that it is.
Getting Your Online Shopping Under Control: The only time your brain has felt a spark of joy these last two years has been when you see that a new package arrived. Don’t deprive yourself of that.
Climb Mount Kilimanjaro: You haven’t even looked up what country that’s in—it’s not happening.
Reunite The Ottoman Empire: Sure, on paper it looks great. They’d be an immediate superpower with considerable control over oil, sea ports and a sizable territory. But internally, those regions are strife with differing ideologies and separatist movements and it’d take a near miracle to pull off.
Binging All Old Prestige TV: Sad to think that even this purely frivolous goal that contributes nothing to society will be too much for you to handle this year.
Do Something About That Eagle Devouring Your Liver: Ever since you gave humanity the gift of fire and Zeus sentenced you to have an organ torn out of your body every night, you’ve been moaning about making a change. But you know you’ll somehow never get around to it.
Limit Your Sexual Fantasies Of Art Garfunkel: Why would you even attempt something so futile?
Descend Mt. Everest: You’re one of the few people who actually had the follow-through to climb the world’s highest mountain but who are also way too lazy to climb back down.
Assassinate A Senator: Start with a smaller, more manageable goal of killing the mayor or even a comptroller.
Go To Therapy: And pay some “professional” to tell you you’re in love with your mother? You already knew this.
Read More Books: Yeah, the person who got overwhelmed by Kris Jenner’s memoir is definitely going to tackle Anna Karenina.
Be Kinder To Yourself: Ha! You’re going to give up on day one and hate yourself for it the rest of the year for it.
Drink Less Blood: It’s a nice thought, but you know better than anyone that it takes you at least one cup of blood in the morning to be even remotely functional at work.
Memorize The Bible: You try this every year and it always breaks down by Genesis chapter 10. Time to give it a rest.
Finally Stop Eating Pieces Of Drywall: We all know you can’t stop cold turkey. It would be much more practical to ramp up your consumption of drywall enough to get on the show My Strange Addiction and then use that newfound fame and fortune to buy more drywall.
Be More Confident: You know you’ll never do it, you dumb loser.
Improving Your Life In Any Capacity: Widely acknowledged to be completely impossible.
Just Make It Through Till Next Year: Good luck, pal.
6 comments:
Ocasio-Cortez staffer calls Israel a 'racist European ethnostate' that was built on 'stolen land'
Sounds familiar there are a bunch of those here and los cocos adore them even spent money to remodel their love shacks, name streets, buildings, resacas, ponds and anything public BOLA DE MAMONES-
vote all of them out of office.
Keep Bob Sanchez, Alex Dominguez, Jessica Tetreau, Eric Garza off this blog: You know you can't do it.
ja ja ja
Unfortunately, onions can cause bad breath, known as halitosis, especially when you read it raw which discourages some people from pickin' up the material...
puras babosadas apestosas
"MyRGV" hahahahahahahahaaaaaa bola de idiotas.... nobody wants your ass here leave.
Tweedle dee and tweedle dum the sheriff and the District attorney in rhythm together will bring this town down and hand it to the crimminals.
LETS ALL VOTE FOR THEM AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN GAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN GAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN GAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN GAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN GAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN GAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN GAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN GAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN
"TweedleDee, TweedleDum" The sheriff and the D.A que par de jotos...only in cameron county texas
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