La Cebolla
ILABO, ETHIOPIA—Expressing frustration over the constant stereotypes, a swarm of locusts told reporters Tuesday that they wished people would stop assuming they were always sent to bring God’s wrath.
“It’s 2022, people—it is the height of unfairness and bad faith to assume that every time a bunch of us gather, we’re carrying out the Lord’s divine punishment for humanity’s sins,” said Echchchchch, an 8-week-old locust, adding that while it was admittedly anecdotal, every instance she’d ever seen of locusts gathering had been a benign occasion without so much as a hint of His holy retribution for the sins of the dead on the living.
“All the stuff about us being plagues and harbingers of destruction gets really tiresome. Are there instances of locusts ravaging the Earth, causing all crops to die and inducing mass starvation on behalf of a vengeful God?
"Sure. We’re not denying that. Of course, the media likes to focus on the negative and sensationalize these kinds of stories, when most of the time we’re just assembling in large numbers and minding our own business. Honestly, it all starts with the problematic term ‘swarm,’ which carries a negative connotation.
Instead of a ‘swarm’ of locusts, why not look at us as a ‘community’ of locusts, which is what we are. ‘Community Of Locusts Visits Horn Of Africa’—doesn’t that type of headline more accurately reflect a group of peaceful grasshoppers who have no interest in inflicting God’s damnation on those who can never wash away the original sin of betraying His only Son?
We think it does.
Most of us aren’t even religious, so cut us a break, all right?” The locusts added that it was interesting that no one ever talks about how the creatures that actually bring God’s wrath down upon the world are beds of oysters.
2 comments:
You definitely got a hold of some bad stuff.
Locusts go good with a caesars salad.
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