BROWNSVILLE'S URBAN RENEWAL EFFORTS A BLAZING SUCCESS!

By Juan Montoya

Officials from throughout the Rio Grande Valley converged in Brownsville to learn the details of to weekend fires that promise to change the face of the downtown area.
The two fires targeted a used clothing warehouse and a popular fleabag hotel favored by crackheads and working girls (and boys) four blocks away.
The used clothing warehouse fire sent shivers throughout the ropa usada community, with vendors huddling together trying to determine whether the fire bugs will target the remaining eyesores in the Market Square area.
"It's a humble but honest business," said Jim Johnson, the self-styled mogul of the garra usada. "If we left, what would you have but the congales and dollar stores? We provide a service, damn it. We're the greenest industry, recycling."
A fire-accelerant detector dog signalled a positive hit when it was walked through the Hotel Economico site. As it wagged its tail and whimpered, as handler said it had hit on something.
"Unless there was another dog here recently that peed on the remains, we got a hit," said the handler.
Watching the dog from across the alley by Immaculate Conception Cathedral, Jose "El Guevo" Cantu, mourned the passing away of the downtown institution.
"I had just aid my $50 in advance for a room for a week," he said. "I had saved all my Natural beer cans and sold them at Wilkinson for the money. Think of all the beer I'm gong to have to drink now."
Despite efforts by the City of Brownsville to enhance the commercial and historical appeal of downtown, hundreds of thousands of dollars in historical and urban renewal have resulted in a few grainy photo enlargements depicting the city as it existed decades ago nailed on the few sturdy walls that are still standing there.
That, aside from outrageous salaries to Downtown Historical officer Peter Goodman and Joe Gavito to look over the continuing deterioration of historical structures, has taxed city coffers.
In fact, compared to what the downtown area looks like today, the old times were a definite improvement, according to some local denizens.
"I had a relapse once," said El Guevo. "I woke up in the parking lot by the Central Fire Station and looked up and saw one of those pictures and I thought I had gone back in time. Believe me, it was an improvement. It was like deja vu all over again, then the hangover hit me and I had to get out of the sun."