The Onion
“As soon as we heard reports of an armed suspect on White House grounds, we immediately moved the president to a secure location where he’d be able to watch us fill that bastard with lead,” said Secret Service director James M. Murray, commending agents for quickly springing into action to interrupt the briefing and neutralize the threat of the president not getting to see a guy get shot in front of his eyes.
“Of course, ensuring the president has a front-row seat to our agents mowing down a guy in the Rose Garden is Secret Service protocol, but we don’t always see it put into action, unfortunately. It was an incredibly stressful moment, especially trying to usher him into position, but I was so relieved to see that big smile on the president’s face. There have been some close calls over President Trump’s tenure, especially in Lafayette Square back in June, so we’re just glad we were able to get him out there yesterday in time to watch the whole thing unfold.”
The Secret Service also confirmed that they had taken the additional step of sequestering Vice President Mike Pence at an unspecified remote location during the threat so that he could watch the agents shoot someone through a telescope.
17 comments:
Once again Montoya posts satirical bullshit from The Onion. It didn't happen!
Juan Montoya.... someone told you before that you should explain what The Onion actually is.
Your post makes this fake news seem real and you might fool some innocent people who may rely on you.
Be a real journalist or have a disclaimer that you are actually just another angry clown, like Adam Schiff. As the saying goes, "dime con quien andas y te digo quien eres".
……………….For those interested, the following is from Wikipedia........
The Onion is an American satirical digital media company and newspaper organization that publishes articles on international, national, and local news. The company is based in Chicago but originated as a weekly print publication on August 29, 1988 in Madison, Wisconsin.[1] The Onion began publishing online in the spring of 1996. In 2007, they began publishing satirical news audio and video online as the Onion News Network. In 2013, The Onion ceased publishing its print edition and launched Onion Labs, an advertising agency.[3][4]
The Onion's articles cover current events, both real and fictional, parodying the tone and format of traditional news organizations with stories, editorials, and man-on-the-street interviews using a traditional news website layout and an editorial voice modeled after that of the Associated Press.
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Biden picks Kamala Harris as running mate, first black woman.
If the people of this nation entrust me and Kamala with the office of President and Vice President for the next four years, we’re going to inherit a nation in crisis, a nation divided, and a world in disarray. We won’t have a minute to waste.
Not like the local elected officials here passing their time eating pizzas, selling furniture, building bike trais, giving out contracts with out bids and creating more traffic jams. Pendemic what the hell is that?
WE'VE GOT IT MADE!
Most all governors are call congress to pass the stimulus package with the exception of bud abbott he's saying texas don't need no help.
Vote racist republican again and again that is if there will be an elections in the future.
I'm sure the Republicans and Trump enjoyed the show, must have been a black or Hispanic man. They love to kill those.
This is why I'm voting for Biden! Knowing Trump he'll probably deny that this happened.
Please clarify that this is satire
Readers will treat it as fact
What's satire mean?
Biden 2020!
August 11, 2020 at 3:58 PM
Start your own blog idiota that way we can trash it for being so perfect.
Texans are seeing how dangerous coronavirus can be as cases soar past 500,000
Not at SPI they think its a joke
I would like to know what they are putting in the water you people drink.
Did this really happen?
The funniest part of this is all the people that wonder if it is real. Of course, that brings up a lot of other shit.
Can't we impeach Trump for this?
If Biden wins the election, KamalaHarris will be the first woman president of the United States! She will be making the decisions, while Biden is napping all day!
It means that one of your car tires is tired pendejo what else!!!!
Texas passes 500K cases; infection rate soars to new high
Go to SPI where you can think you're safe
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