DO YOU THINK WIZARD TRUMP WILL GIVE HIM COURAGE?

La Cebolla

Controversial Missouri Senator Josh Hawley is releasing a new book titled Manhood: The Masculine Virtues Americans Need as a defense of masculinity and its role in American democracy. While the book won’t be released for nearly a year, La Cebolla was able to secure an early draft. Here are the biggest revelations in Manhood.

1. Hawley Was Voted His High School Class’s ‘Most Likely To Flee An Insurrection’.His former classmates noticed his cowardice even back then.

2. Masculinity Is Under Attack. Women are trying to destroy the beloved male traits of violence and misogyny.

3. Real Men Have At Least A 90 percent NRA Approval Rating. The one quantifiable measure of masculinity is how strongly you can resist passing gun control reform in the face of weekly massacres of school children.

4. Hawley Blames The Masculinity Crisis On Olaf From ‘Frozen.’ “No one has done more damage to American masculinity than Olaf,” Hawley writes. “He is made of snow. He will never be a real man.”

5. Hawley Decries The Lack Of Men In The WNBA. Sexism, plain and dry.

6. Real Men Don’t Need Access To Affordable Healthcare. Explaining his opposition to ObamaCare, Hawley argues testosterone is a natural remedy for any ailment.

7. He Can’t Fucking Believe He’s Still In Congress. Chapter 12 details how floored he remains that his Democratic colleagues are too cowardly to hold him accountable for clearly seditious acts.